deviant ART

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Swish-Cthunk by ~Squeak-the-Freak:iconSqueak-the-Freak:





Today I went down to the Bureau of Words to trade in my autumn onomatopoeia. Usually I put it off until at least the end of November, but this year the squelch-thud of my boots in the mounds of soggy leaves brought me up sharp. I went home, gathered my dry snaps, crackles and swooshes, as well as the cheerful spthooshk of a water balloon left over from August and headed down to the department. The rain hurried down to meet my umbrella, an excellent winter sound for which I had no words. But that would soon change.
The stooped man at the front desk greeted me with a finger to his lips. "We're running the barnyard tests, so we've got to be very quiet. Get me?"
I nodded. Fortunately, the entire antechamber of the Bureau is soundproofed, so my rubber soled boots made no sound on the white carpeted floor despite leaving a great deal of mud.
"What do you have in mind for me today? I'm here for the seasonal trade-in deal."
"Well, we've got snow falling on cedars, rain dripping into a puddle of slush, and ice skates on a frozen pond on display, as you can see" he whispered, leaning towards me. "But if you've got something specific in mind, we can check the back-catalogue." His voice had the quality of very thin paper.
"How much can I get for these?" I spread my prior acquisitions on the mahogany desk, each making its proper sound as I touched it. A beautiful cacophony of leaves, sunshine, the murmurs of children and crunching gravel filled the room. The man at the front desk picked up a shcwisk and examined it.
"Are these second-hand?" he asked politely.
"A few are from here. Some of them," I blushed, "I made myself."
He smiled beatifically at me. "They're lovely." I felt a warm, silent glow in my chest. A drop of rain fell from the tip of my nose to the desk below, making the quietest of pings as it hit the wood.
We sat down to make a deal. I bought several of the featured items and a couple I needed for a story set in India, but at that point what I really wanted was a little personal. I stammered it out when he asked me if he could get me anything more.
Snick, snick. My eyes rubbed against their sockets.
"Could you," I leaned closer to him, "whisper for me?"
The man at the desk looked at me in confusion - then threw back his head and laughed. Who would have thought such a deep, rich sound could come from so wrinkled a throat? In another room, I thought I heard a rooster answer. He nodded. "But," he cautioned, "a whisper is not onomatopoeia."
"I'm going to use your voice for the winds on cold snowy days, when the trees speak with one another."
A pause. "Yes. Yes, I can do that for you."
The wizard's face crinkled. He lowered his eyes and brought a scrap of yellow paper to his lips. All the things he told that sheet, I couldn't tell you. I only heard the rustle of his voice.
©2006-2008 ~Squeak-the-Freak
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Submitted: Nov 10, 2006
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Author's Comments

Despite the total lack of any sort of poetry or prose in my gallery, I'm more of a writer than an artist. This is just a silly little thing I thought up while walking home from school in the rain.
Daily Deviation, 2008-03-11

Daily DeviationThe narrator of this little story goes to trade in his autumn onomatopoeia (or funny sounds, if you like) at the Bureau of Words, some of them secondhand, some of them brand new. Swish-Cthunk by ~Squeak-the-Freak is a lovely tribute to the sounds that surround us. (Featured by ^lovetodeviate)

Devious Comments

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~Squeeky-toy-123:iconSqueeky-toy-123: Nov 11, 2006, 10:50:55 PM
... I don't get it
but it's cool ^_______^

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Any story that starts with the words 'I didn't see the hippo comming' is worth reading...
=BreakInTheSun:iconBreakInTheSun: Nov 12, 2006, 12:59:48 AM
Pretty cool - I really like the idea. How cool would it be if you could go buy words, and trade in old ones for new?

The one thing I have a bit of a problem with is 'The wizard's face crinkled.' - I feel that using the word 'wizard' there breaks the conceit you've created, since conceptually a wizard is very different from just a word salesman, and doesn't work as well.

And formatting-wise, you should indent or line-break the paragraphs to make it more readable.

But basically, very cool.

--
"That's how it starts. Murder doesn't seem like a big deal, but then you end up lying, voting in elections... even selling your own books."
--Corso, in The Club Dumas by Arturo Perez-Reverte
~Squeak-the-Freak:iconSqueak-the-Freak: Nov 12, 2006, 11:53:54 AM
Um... onomatopoeia is the words put on paper when you hear a sound. Like 'Achoo' or 'crack!'
And I thought it would be cool if you could buy them...
yeah. It doesn't make sense ^^

--
Should we talk about the weather?
Should we talk about the government?
~Squeak-the-Freak:iconSqueak-the-Freak: Nov 12, 2006, 11:55:01 AM
Ah, it's all formatted in Word, but when I transfer it to DevArt, all my nice paragraphs disappear!
Thanks for the suggestions, I'll have a look at that.

--
Should we talk about the weather?
Should we talk about the government?
~Squeeky-toy-123:iconSqueeky-toy-123: Nov 14, 2006, 12:11:43 AM
Ohhh!!! it makes mroe sence now ^^ heh heh

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Any story that starts with the words 'I didn't see the hippo comming' is worth reading...
~apocathary:iconapocathary: Jan 9, 2007, 11:57:36 PM
Oh this one is just fantastic. I think I spied a missed comma in the dialogue somewhere before a speech mark (Just after where he says "as you can see").

Oh, but I love it. Very nice imagination and a warm execution.

--
(recently revived) crits
journal
last fm
^lovetodeviate:iconlovetodeviate: Jan 14, 2007, 11:15:47 PM
You should post more of your writing on dA; I enjoyed reading this thoroughly. To me, this has the right mix of imagination and execution. Short, clean sentences with excellent play on language.
~Squeak-the-Freak:iconSqueak-the-Freak: Jan 14, 2007, 11:52:16 PM
Thank you very much!
I'd like to do so, but since i care more about the writing being bashed, I am less inclined to share it.
Funny how things work, isn't it?

--
Should we talk about the weather?
Should we talk about the government?
^lovetodeviate:iconlovetodeviate: Jan 15, 2007, 1:01:12 AM
Hmm, I suppose so. But you could always specify that you didn't want critique.
~muffin-mooch:iconmuffin-mooch: Aug 5, 2007, 12:08:40 AM
Really cool!! I haven't read much in the way of good writing (I read for the stories...) but this one stood out to me as great!!
(Ps. we must see each other soon!!)